Seeing stars

Luxurious lace and sheer sophistication get their star turn at D & G

In a final attempt to squeeze in my ode to Dolce & Gabbana’s massive star print trend of the season, like an expertly yet painstakingly harvested gourmet orange juice, I give you not one but two video tutorials.

 

They’re about how to make your own version of the star print jeans, worn by Julianne Hough in Elle magazine, and the lace insert dress, worn by Lily Allen, also in Elle magazine, both of which are by Dolce & Gabbana.

First of all, a little background: Thinking of Dolce & Gabbana’s starry take on their trademark sartorial sex appeal, it seems reminiscent of the theatrical whimsy of early 20th century fashion from the eloquent flair of Erté’s illustrations to the theatrical oeuvres of couturier Paul Poiret.

Think of couture’s founding masters and you may well remind yourself of Christian Dior and Coco Chanel, but the slightly lesser known Poiret was the most influential designer of the pre-war period. How prophetical he was in using the influence of fashion to project his image of shock and theatrical panache, noting that “all fashion ends in excess” He gave us endlessly-renewing fads of harem pants, the spectacle of the outré fashion show and the commercial addition of perfume to a fashion house’s repertoire. In short, and in no uncertain terms, fashion’s first branding genius, you might almost say he was ahead of his time – and how times have changed…

From designer to celebrity and lucrative branding empire – in that order – those were the days! Fast-forward a hundred years and play musical chairs as to who gets to sit in the pound seats and you’ll find that fashion modus operandi reversed, with celebrities taking the lion’s share as so-called “designers” in the name of becoming a brand. Those who’ve really arrived monopolise a design studio and put their image-inspired stamp on it. Those who want to extend on that add to their world-dominating repertoire with their “own fragrance”  (sadly not in the Jean-Baptiste Grenouille sense, but I digress) or attach anything else you care to name to their name and ever-growing empire, whether or not they’re responsible for the credit they claim (which, f.y.i. makes plagiarising their style for a fraction of the price, from which they can’t profit, all the more satisfying!) Okay, so there’s aspirational method in such madness on the part of the adoring public, so my whinging, mean-spirited leftie point is? That who says this lavish lot needs to include celebrities of the talented persuasion?

It has been said, in a context for which sadly I can’t claim credit, that reality is for people with no imagination. I couldn’t agree more, and believe the same goes for reality TV, particularly in the celebutante vein. Speaking of no imagination, okay, the effort-to-instant-returns ratio make the genre – and lucrative opportunities – the perfect short-term investment, but what of society taking that angle in the long run? Civilisation as we know it, and to which we’ve grown comfortably accustomed, thank you very much, runs on teachers doctors, nurses and, dare I say ,social workers, not vapid, reprehensible attention seekers with entitlement complexes!  I have neither the energy nor the allocated character space to argue the toss as to where social fascism ends and common sense begins in this entry but it’s an understatement to say I have an issue with charlatanry yielding gilded lucrative avenues of “designer branding,” perfumes and overpublicised 72-hour marriages? I speak of course of Kim Kardashian’s – ahem – blissful union that would drum up exponentially higher income from publicity than its extravagant costs and provoke an online petition to get it taken off the air. That effort that would prove about as punitive as making her write lines using a copy and paste function. Tens of thousands signed it but tens of millions still watched the wedding in the first place, the cynics continue to argue. Not that that was enough to convince countless news outlets that it wasn’t purely a sham marriage, including Kim’s own (okay last) publicist – what a Kard!

Okay, rant over, back to fun fashion creation and thinking happy thoughts!

 

For the dress, you will need…

A black jersey dress

Black thread

Pins

Contrasting thread for tacking

Stretch lace, about 4m long and 15-20cm in width – got mine for about £4 including postage and packing costs from Gypsy Lace, based in sunny Derby, I believe, and listed as seller Bunter 177 on Ebay

Interfacing about 0.5m

White fabric paint – £2 by Dylon from John Lewis

Foam shapes – more on that later…

Scalpel

Blu-tack

Tailor’s chalk

Pattern master

Felt tip or biro

Fabric scissors

 

…And this is where the magic happens

Check out this video tutorial to see how I made my couture-alike creation:

For the jeans, you need…

 Black jeans, would you believe

2 pots of white fabric paints, as before I used Dylon’s white fabric palins, £2 a pot from John Lewis

Small, flat bowl into which you need to pour a can of your paint

Spatula, for best results, use one with a pliable scoop – all will be revealed, my friends

Foam shapes or sheets

Pen or pencil

Scalpel

On the dot

Spotted: The best way to carry off appliqued dotty chic this season.

“Fashion rebels against the static; it is always in flux,” as Jane Mulvagh highlighted in Vogue’s History of 2oth Century Fashion book. To each trend, silhouette, fad and movement that dominated fashion through the ages, she asserts, “a reaction is (simply) inevitable.” A valid point though that may be, it seems to be much less to do with fashion as a reactive swinging pendulum, drifting from one excess to another, than about its inherent pressure of aspiration. It revolves around the creation of ideals delivered at an ever more frenetic pace through a melee of style advisor apps (Ask a Stylist et al), the scrutiny of blogging and, lest we forget, the dreaded haul vlogging phenomenon. How zealously fashion and style businesses compete for their products to get a place in such divinely influential liturgies of fashion – whether they be the scriptures of celebrity gossip, fashion blogs or a conspicuously spoiled brat with a webcam and too much time on their hands – to be recommended as the gospel truth of all that’s oh so now by the “experts.” Terry Eagleton pointed out in The Significance of Theory “Power succeeds by persuading us to desire and collude with it; this process is not merely an enormous confidence trick, since we really do have needs and desires which such power, however partially and distortedly, is able to fulfill,” so now you know. My sincere thanks for his use and acknowledgement of the word “distortedly” but I digress, since that may be the mentality fashion wants to perpetuate to keep us buying and consuming to keep it afloat, but here at Chic Cheat, I have other ideas, namely those of the recycling, reworking and customising persuasion. That’s right – stick that, academics! Looks like you don’t have to play the financially feckless fashion victim to be fabulous, after all! Or should I stay out of that debate, being at a disadvantage as only a part-time navel-gazer?

While we’re on the subject of ever-changing fashion, I spent most of my art education theorising on post-modernism and the idea that every possible style has already been done, but in a way that leaves an array of possible references and permutations that can be mixed together in different ways to create new visual messages. This gave me some meaty food for thought and the motivation to dissect the meanings of each look I explore as well as the clothes I cut and splice through to recreate them. This season has seen a resurgence of sixties trends, including jewel tones, bold Cardin-esque tailoring and an explosive, body-conscious take on polka dots. It’s out with the quaint, clown-like fare of fifties fashion…

… and in with the spotty sex appeal of the sixties…

…reiterated as a collaged concoction today – for us to celebrate in DIY-form.

Difficulty

Medium 

More on the painstaking and time-consuming side, this one, but a good technique and precision for circle cutting certainly helps.

You will need

A white dress with a mesh top

1.5x 1m white twill or a similarly stiff fabric

1m bondaweb

White thread

Ruler

Compass and pencil

Iron and ironing board

Sharp fabric scissors

 

 And your mission is, if you choose to accept…

Fold your twill in half, across the length and sandwich your bondaweb in between.

Iron your bondaweb in place on a high heat, one side at a time. Maybe I should mention that you need to peel the paper off the second time around – just sayin’!

Using your compass, pencil and ruler (as you may see, I used a patternmaster for mine but fear not for a ruler will do) measure and draw a circle 5cm in diameter directly onto your fabric and repeat this 50 or so times. Ensure you only do this on the twill that has bondaweb and another layer beneath it.

Using your fabric scissors, cut your circles out. I find it helps most to skim your scissors along the edge, pulling on the fabric as you go, to avoid nasty jagged edges.

Repeat this process with 150-200 smaller circles 2cm in diameter. This process may prove long-winded and hard work, so I recommend you stick the telly on or some of your favourite music, or perhaps even a DVD – here at Chic Cheat we like to take a liberal view of each reader’s approach, you’ll be pleased to know.

Time to finally stitch them on individually. It’s yet another painstaking phase but it’s thankfully on the home run. Stitch most of your larger circles in a cluster on the bust with the rest sprinkled sparingly around the top, and your smaller circles in a linear cluster across the middle of both sides of the skirt, graduating more sparingly outwards towards the top and bottom.

…And you should have something that looks like this:

A spot of stylish crafty chic to see you through the season!

Miu Miu for you

It’s not too late to add a touch of seasonal sparkle with my ode to these celebrity-favoured Miu Miu glitter and suede fan ankle boots.

This was meant to be my final pre-holiday Chic Cheat entry and I thank you for your patience, dear readers, as I’m sure it’s veering well towards tired excuse territory, but the past month’s been a particularly busy one, where I’ve found out through my bitter experience that ‘D’ is for ‘December,’ for ‘Duty’ and for ‘Distractions-aplenty’ as my weekends have become more and more zealously peppered with work, family and social life-related demands that have taken me from my Chic Cheat pursuits.

This was to commemorate, acknowledge or arguably celebrate in the ‘well, it got your attention, so it must have worked’ sense the – shall we say – well-practiced holiday season ritual of dousing the high street’s contents in glitter. Still, hear me out before jumping to any rash conclusions about my homage to these fabulous Miu Miu shoes, exacted on some old ankle boots loitering nervously towards the forgotten depths of my wardrobe. Incidentally, within my research, I tried to find out where glitter may have come into fashion in the historic sense but, other than being used in cave paintings, to little avail. Like with so many Christmas rituals that are, at best, just going through the motions with precious little rationale (Happy new year? In this climate? Surely only slightly more wishful thinking than a troglodyte trying to set up a PR company!) I’ve always avoided the recurrent festive sparkles trend, only to come a cropper with these fabulous designer ankle boots… sweet shoe-fetish surrender!

Difficulty

Medium Easy

In the interests of general arse-covering this one stops only slightly shy of the casual walk-over mark, thanks to a bit of fiddly jiggery-pokery with fake suede and a glue gun, but nothing for you to worry your pretty heads about I promise – girl guide’s honour!

You will need

Black ankle boots, peep-toe or otherwise

Craft mount – I paid about £9 for mine at Hobbycraft

Fine silver glitter – Hobbycraft do an 80g shaker for £3.89

Pins

Glue gun – and make sure it’s fully loaded!

Yellow (ideally fake) suede *Author’s note: Finding suede of that colour may prove a challenge to you. It sure as hell did to me. It can be quite the rude awakening when something so seemingly innocuous as yellow faux suede turns out to have the illusive rarity of lapis lazuli, but, hey nothing you can’t fix if you use…

Yellow fabric paint – by Dylon, £2 from John Lewis, or £2.75 at Hobbycraft if you want to save yourself the extra journey. Just saying!

Face sponge – would you believe, it being nice and soft.

Palette – Something flat and wide, a tupperware lid will do.

What to do with these wondrous finds…

Check out the video and find out! Follow the video and you should have something resembling these…

 

Louis Louis

Animal magic becomes animal-mad chic!

If, indeed, there is a God, or an equally omnipotent being, it was very nice of him (or her – why not?) to notice that we the British were, in fact, due a summer, and make up for it by giving us a gracious heatwave, albeit when all persons concerned were back at work, school and related nasally-inclined grindstones!

Sartorially, we’ve had a summer of colour-clash-chic prints, contrasting colour blocking, nautical novelty and fabulous florals spending most of the season with knockdown sale prices, which is surely a sign of the times. For us lucky consumers, it’s a confection of disposable delights given away for almost pennies, for the shops, a desperate measure under desperate recessionary circumstances and for the workers responsible? Probably god-knows-what unimaginably horrific exploitation or abuse of human rights. That said, the head of my fashion course at university said that rather than necessarily hideous slave labour, some manufacturers feed, water and house their workers, providing a full and civilised community.

Either way, in amongst the harem pants, jumpsuits, tribal and Aztec references garnished with a vague sprinkling of neons, there were some trends which, although huge on the catwalks, were by and large overlooked on the high street, much to my surprise. My favourite were Louis Vuitton’s fabulous glitter sequinned animal motifs, revered by the likes of Vogue, no less, as a key look of the season.

Lupine luxury at Ungaro with sparkle and beading

Looking stylishly symmetrical at Vivienne Westwood

Canine chic at Topshop Unique

Then again, perhaps this prediction was further still ahead of its time than expected, if Vogue, once again, is to be believed (you know, quite possibly) with animal motifs once again making a foray into the big trends for autumn and winter, in all their sequinned, embroidered and printed glory. So here’s how to make your own…

Difficulty

Quite easy

Simple, straightforward and self-explanatory, for the most part. Requires a bit of skill, in the non-overlapping-yet-totally-covering application of sequins, and some planning, in putting your pieces together perfectly like a puzzle, but expert technical level it ain’t!

 

You will need

Giraffe sequinned top:

Sparkly fabric – A-Z Fabrics on Goldhawk road – think it works out at about £4 metre in black, turquoise, silver and yellow

Jumper – about £5 from Primark

Bondaweb – £4/m from John Lewis

You also need a pattern tracing wheel, all-purpose scissors (that can cut through fabric and paper) and a pen you can use for tracing. All items except pen available in Korbond’s sewing bag, about £4 from Tesco

Iron and ironing board

 

Zebra sequinned top:

Top – about £3 from Primark

Sparkly fabric – A-Z Fabrics on Goldhawk road – think it works out at about £4 metre – in black, pewter wine and red

Bead and fabric glue for correcting mistakes/ fabric that comes loose – Ells & Farrier do a 125ml bottle

Bondaweb – £4/m from John Lewis

You also need a pattern tracing wheel, all-purpose scissors (that can cut through fabric and paper) and a pen you can use for tracing. All items except pen available in Korbond’s sewing bag, about £4 from Tesco

Iron and ironing board

 

Tiger sequinned top:

Jumper

Sparkly fabric in gold, orange, black and bronze – A-Z Fabrics on Goldhawk road £4/ m

Bead and fabric glue for correcting mistakes/ fabric that comes loose – Ells & Farrier do a 125ml bottle

Bondaweb – £4/m from John Lewis

You also need a pattern tracing wheel, all-purpose scissors (that can cut through fabric and paper) and a pen you can use for tracing. All items except pen available in Korbond’s sewing bag, about £4 from Tesco

Iron and ironing board

 

 How you make a sparkling statement…

Print out the template of the animal motif you want to use. Print it out A4 size.

 

Place it on your bondaweb and trace around the edges of the coloured areas

Place it elsewhere on the bondaweb and trace around the outline. This will be for the base.

Using the dotted textured created by the tracing wheel as a guide, mark the edges out with your pen and cut out the pieces individually, write out which piece goes with which colour. Refer to the template if you’re unsure.

Repeat this with your outline.

Iron the pieces of bondaweb to the sequinned fabric and cut them out.

Referring to the template, place each piece, one by one on the jumper/ top, starting with the base, and affix it with an iron.

 

Alternative sequin cluster method

You will need

All the items already mentioned in the last list, plus…

9g Gutermann tubes of sequins in the relevant colours – available from a range of haberdashers and craft shops

Bead and fabric glue – Ells & Farrier do a 125ml bottle

You may also want to substitute the sequinned fabrics with plain coloured fabrics, for a smoother surface

 

Method

As before, then after you’ve attached your base fabrics, cover them generously with fabric glue.

Sprinkle your sequins sparsely enough to completely cover each area but not so that they are on top of each other or overlap, as this will cause them to drop off, leaving areas of nasty white glue visible.

 

 

 

And there you have it, an enduring statement and a jolly, roaringly good new lease of a life for the humble jumper!

 

Chanel Hopping part 2

While still on the happy note of my previous entry, here’s a Chic Cheat video tutorial how to make your own affordable version of the moth eaten red and grey jeans from Chanel’s Spring 2011 collection, worn recently in Vogue Russia by Blake Lively:

 

You will need…

Grey jeans

1m approx. red jersey – mine was £13 per metre from John Lewis

Matching red thread

Seam ripper – the implement formerly known as the quick unpick

Needle

Scissors

Plenty of time and patience ;)

Chanel Hopping

Apologies for the year-long Chic Cheat hiatus. Owing to changes in my life and situation – namely starting a new job, decamping eastwards with precious little knowledge of local haberdasheries and working a 45-hour week with the added shock to the system of cooking and cleaning up after myself – blogging duties have had to be temporarily put on hold. Finding time and remaining energy after a full working day has been a particularly tough one, especially coupled with having to get up – or indeed have any recollection of what a clock looks like – at 7AM.

Another issue about settling into Peterborough was the culture shock. The place is under something of a mainstream junta in which you’re met with a barrage of aggressive, stupefied disbelief if you tell anyone you don’t drink alcohol! Still, even in this turbulent sea of conformity I have managed to create a stylish safehaven in my bedroom, into whose dark, intense look I put hours of work…

It’s a detailed style I like to know as “sweet excess” and my dad likes to know as “a million bloody trinkets everywhere!” Still, personal tastes aside, as a twentysometing who still gets IDed everywhere as a rule of thumb, I’m also all to aware of being pigeonholed into the angst-addled, Twilight-obsessed current face of goth culture we know and – some of us – love.

I haven’t actually read the Twilight books, and refuse to as a matter of principle – young, vulnerable awkward little darlings really shouldn’t be looking to to anything predatory as a  magic answer to their issues and isolation, especially of the exsanguinatory persuasion! Then again, maybe I should relish being tarnished with a teen brush as someone who surely can’t be as old as 27, and as a stoic native of a generation so browbeaten into bleak aspirations the word “Standard” has become an expression of ultimate approval! That said, it’s when you get past your teens that you’re taken seriously,  and that anything you embrace could quite possibly be more than “just a phase.” Another measure I take to avoid being labelled in any way, shape or form is by elegantly peppering a sentence with any of the following words and phrases:

“Visual-kei”          “Conceptual”            “Anime”      “Selfsh capitalist”    “Symphonic metal”

“Post-modern”  “But what is post-modern”……… and, lest we forget, “But, what is normal?”

And now for the actual point of this entry…See, in addition to finding my way around, I’ve had to cope without my sewing machine and managed to come up with this Chic Cheat copy of a dress from Chanel’s Spring 2011 collection that doesn’t require sewing. It can also be done on grey tweed jackets…

Difficulty

Very Easy

A bit of cut, stick ‘n’ colour with fabrics and clothes.

You need…

A grey tweed tunic dress or jacket – I used a dress that cost £15 from Primark

Half a metre of black chunky check tweed fabric – I got mine from Classic Textiles on Goldhawk Road

Half a metre of white cotton drill – mine was from the same place as the fabric above

Bondaweb – mine was £4 from John Lewis

All-purpose scissors that cut through fabric and paper

Iron and ironing board

…And to turn them into convincing couture?

Cut out as many 5cm wide strips along the length of your check tweed fabric. This should amout to ten strips – with half a metre of fabric – but you may be lucky as some fabric vendors may be more generous with excess fabric.

Cut strips of bondaweb of the same length, whic are 2.5cm wide and cover half of each of your tweed strips.

Iron the bondaweb along the sides of your tweed strips. Your bondaweb should have one soft, fabric-like side and one covered with paper. Make sure you attach it soft side down so that it sticks to your fabric.

Once all your bondaweb is attached, peel away the paper to expose the other adhesive side.

Iron your tweed strips, bondaweb side down, to your dress along all of the seams, neckline and centre front. Also, cover the dart seams at the front and back, continuing in a straight line along the rest of the garment.

Fray the excess tweed fabric, that is the fabric that isn’t attached with the bondaweb.

Cut your white twill into small rough ovals, approximately 5-7cm long and 2-5cm wide. Just eyeball these measurements, I put them as a ball park size figure.

Cut matching ovals of bondaweb that are slightly smaller than each of your twill ovals and iron them on, as before, leaving a tiny amount of your twill uncovered, which then needs to be frayed to give them a raw edge.

When you have done this, peel away the paper, as before and iron the twill to the dress, sprinkling them in a random pattern.

And you should have something that looks rather a lot like this:

Chanel your energy into frayed and collaged chic for a unique look!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You’re Busted!

Does art imitate life or does life imitate art?  Does art inform fashion, or does fashion shape itself within the confines of life, practicality and the need to look flattering on the wearer?  A nice pretentious couple of questions with which to kick off this entry – guaranteed to make you sound incredibly intelligent or your money back*.  Confused?  Don’t be.

*No, I’m afraid you can’t have that in writing.

The battle between fashion as art, and fashion in the accessible, commercial sense, has been an ongoing saga.  The outré wonders you see gracing the catwalks obviously aren’t designed to suit the slimmest of wallets, or the fattest of bottoms – that’s up to the hoi polloi of the high street, thank you very much.  Sure, there is always plenty of demand for the latter, but it’s just never gelled with fashion’s illuminati.  Whether it was Anna Wintour insisting that Oprah Winfrey lost weight before she was to be photographed for the cover of Vogue, or fashion insiders criticising Gok Wan’s work as merely cheap psychotherapy for fatties, fashion has always been a battleground when it comes to standards of beauty.  And while high fashion might not be designed to cater for every size of backside, what about those awkward times when it disappears up its own rear end altogether?  I remember doing a soundbite at a magazine about what the – mostly heterosexual – male employees thought of the latest trends, in terms of the sex appeal they gave off.  It was around 2006-2007 when billowing tunics and tulip skirts were in full bloom, causing even the  most svelte of wearers to look like Violet Beauregarde, when she turned into a giant blueberry, in Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. “What’s she trying to hide under (her clothes)?” they all asked, “is that supposed to be a maternity dress?”

It’s said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and not everyone has the same taste, or concept of what would flatter their form. (See Snog Marry Avoid) Anyone who has seen a blue-legged waif in a mini-skirt wandering the streets in late November, or an orange-tinted urchin in a half-shirt exposing a not-overly-toned stomach, would know what I mean.  However, it’s the sculptural hourglass female form that artists and designers alike have revisited, timelessly, over the years, when the penny drops that we women want to feel – and look – sexy.  In these lean times we know how important it is to make the most of our assets, and such is the silhouette for next season that, according to Vogue:  ”The motto? If you haven’t got it, fake it – not (thankfully), in the silicone sense, but with extra fabric bullet pleated for greater bust potential, or bottoms given the same treatment by full skirts caught into soft bustles across the back.”  Ladies and – perhaps even – gentlemen, I give you Prada’s bosom-bastic new collection.  Enjoy:

Total Cost

About £33 with the materials I used

Save It!

Unfortunately, I have yet to see the exact price of the original, so, I’m afraid, I can’t give you an exact comparison. That’s why I chose the next best thing to compare it to – something which also draws attention to and very much enhances the breast area: getting implants. I have it on anecdotal authority that this procedure costs about £5000, a hundred and fifty times the price of this Chic Cheat dress.  That’s a saving of £4967.  You know it makes sense.

Difficulty

Medium

Fortunately, this one’s not too demanding or time-consuming.  It just requires a bit of technique, care and fabric-coaxing.

You Will Need…

  • A black or grey tunic. I found a tunic at Peacock’s, available in black and in grey herringbone
  • 1/2 metre of black or grey fabric to match your dress, which should cost a maximum of £5
  • Black or grey lace trim, which costs about £1.30/metre, available at all good haberdashers.
  • Black or grey bias binding, available at Hobbycraft for £1.79 per roll.
  • Needle and thread
  • Fabric scissors
  • Pins
  • Sewing machine
  • Tailor’s chalk
  • Set Square
  • Compass and pencil

Let’s Frock!

First, you have to try your dress on and mark out, with your chalk, where the bottom of your bust is.

Use your compass to draw a curve between the side of your bust dart and the line at the bottom of your bust.

Cut 5 strips of fabric at a 45 degree angle to the side, which you can measure out using your set square.  Make sure that they are about the same size and at least 40cm long.

Hand-stitch loosely about 1cm from the bottom, pull  your thread so that it has a drawstring effect and the fabric ruches.  Knot it in place at the end.  Repeat this process with the rest of your strips of fabric.

Sew your lace trimming to the top of your strips of fabric.

Sew some bias binding along the line you marked out at the bottom of the bust, top-stitching it 1mm from the edge on both sides.  Now add your ruched strips of fabric, starting along the top of your dress and working your way downwards.  Pin them in place with bias binding along the bottom, covering up the raw edges, and top stitch the bias binding 1mm from each of the two sides, as before…

…And you should have something which looks like this:

Why not try…

Inserting pleats in a U-shaped area, like with this Prada top, below, and a dress I customised?

Hot Gossip – Part 3: Ooooh, handbags!

Difficulty

Easy

Easy as falling of a log, only less painful – unlike listening to Blair’s gob!

Total Cost

The bad news is even my Chic Cheat solution is relatively pricey, totalling £25…

Save It!

…However, the good news is that it’s still a lot less than the $1598 price tag of the original.  That’s about £1028, according to the beautiful shiny currency converter on my computer desktop (yes, I really am that sad) which means this entry could save you £1003.

Hours

16 or thereabout

You will need…

  • A clutch bag or small handbag – I’d recommend picking one up at your local charity shop.  The colour doesn’t matter as you will be completely covering it, but if you can find one with gold purse clasps at the top, then bonus.
  • 20cm of green and turquoise jacquard silk My quest to find a decent match took me all the way to London, where I found a fabulous fabric that fitted the bill and set me back £11.  Jacquard silk £55/metre, Soho Silks, 22 D’Arblay Street, London W1F 8EP Tel: 020 7434 3305

  • A tube of green, gold and brown beads, a string of pale green pearls (code BP25-4) and a string of green glass beads (code GPR12) costing a total of £4.50 including VAT from Creative Beadcraft (trading as Ells and Farrier in London, 1 Marshall Street, London, W1F 9BA  Tel: 020 7734 1982)  I also picked up £4 worth of assorted beads and green pearls from Beading Crafty (Beading Crafty Ltd, 25 The Square, Kenilworth CV8 1EF  Tel: 01926 858442)
  • Glue gun
  • Needle and thread
  • Fabric scissors
  • Ruler or graded set square
  • Metallic gel pen

We’ve got it in the bag…

…And, so can you, if you:

Start by cutting two pieces out of your fabric big enough to cover the sides of your handbag.

Pin one of your pieces of fabric to the side of your handbag, folding the excess fabric underneath, along the bag’s seam line and at the top.  Slip-stitch it to the bag.

Repeat this process with the other side of the handbag and at the bottom of needs be.

Mark out a line 2-3cm from the top of the handbag, on both sides.  Glue your beads inside that area between the line and the top of the bag, ensuring you cover the whole area.

Hot Gossip – Part 2 : Serena’s Order

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Just what every teen queen wants – Acne!

Image: The CW

…Or, rather, the  Force Dress by Acne (you might see what I did there) worn by the lovely Ms Lively as Serena van der Woodsen in Gossip Girl, in an episode called The Empire Strikes Jack.

Image: acnestudios.com

Difficulty

Easy

…And, I hope you like hours of hand-stitching, because that’s what it takes to get through this one.  However, on the positive side, this dress is not only dead easy to make, but cheap as chips – only unlike chips it’s actually quite slimming!

Hours

I’d say a maximum of 8 hours.

You Will Need…

  • Black long-sleeved dress.  A three-quarter sleeve dress will do.  I found one costing £11 at Primark.
  • Half a metre of dark grey lycra or jersey prices will vary but mine set me back about £3, from the Fancy Silk Store in Birmingham (27 Moat Lane, Birmingham, West Midlands B5 5BD tel. 0121 643 7356)
  • 1 Metre of black bias binding about an inch in width.  Mine cost 50p, although prices may vary.  Available at all good haberdashers.
  • Pins
  • Fabric scissors
  • Black thread
  • Tailor’s chalk
  • Sewing machine

Total Cost

Within the region of £15 depending on the cost of your fabric and bias binding…

Save It!

…Which works out at – literally – a tenth of the price of the original, which currently retails at £160 on the sale!  Last season it sold for £400.

Let’s Frock!

First of all, let’s kick it off with a bit of sartorial vandalism.  You need to cut out the shoulders.  Fold the dress in half, down the middle, to make sure that your changes are symmetrical, pin it in place, if necessary, and cut away oval shapes at the shoulders.

Fold your bias binding over the raw edges.  Pin it in place and then machine sew it.

Fold your dress in half again , and use your pins to draft out a wiggly shape down the sides (which should be one on top of the other) like the grey one on the original.  Notice how it curves inwards at the waist and outwards around the bust and hips.  Try to mimic that. Then, draw down the lines of pins on both sides using your tailor’s chalk, making sure your line is as clear as possible.

When you have finished, take your pins out and unfold your dress.  Either the back or the front of your dress should have two lines of tailor’s chalk down both sides.  Put pins through these lines, as before, to mark out your lines through the two layers, turn your dress over and use your chalk to draw out the lines, as before.

Now to add your grey jersey.  Cut two long strips which are easily wide enough to cover the areas at the side that you used your chalk to mark out.  Pin them in place, along the line, folding under any excess fabric.

Now for a spot of elbow grease in the form of slip-stitching.  Stretch fabrics require a certain type of this invisible stitch which is like so:

Bring your needle out of your  grey fabric and into the edge of the black fabric, going backwards trough a few strands of the material.

Now bring your needle forwards again to start your next stitch, and put it backwards through a few strands of the grey fabric.  Repeat this process stitching alternately through the black and grey fabric until all the sides are stitched down.

This just in… we’ve seen proof that if you follow these instructions you should have a new dress which looks like this…

…You know you want to, xoxo

R U Miu Miu?

There are so many of us creative types who find ourselves lingering under the category of “visual creator.” That is, less pretentiously put, a person paid to draw attention to a product and increase its sales by making it pretty. From artists and graphic designers through to composers, all parties concerned are united in their ultimate goal of making their products seductive. One such discipline you’ve probably heard of is “visual merchandising” or strategically and beautifully placing retail products on display in a shop window to turn heads – an turn in those all-important profits. This is practised everywhere from Topshop to the corner shop.

“Never judge a book by its cover” your mum probably told you, but anyone looking to apply that sort of logic to the clothing business is clearly looking at the wrong book, and needs to pick up another one entitled “You Don’t Get A Second Chance at a First Impression” How many times have you walked into a shop you didn’t plan on entering because you were lured, and consequently reeled in by the evil clutches of, the window display? Research has shown that most of us tend to turn right as we enter a shop. My own bitter experience suggests that you enter transfixed beneath the glare of the bright lights, towards a triptych of mannequins styled to the hilt in an outfit you wouldn’t normally have as a gift, even if you were paid a six figure sum or assigned to wear it for a charity as an alternative to being baptised clumsily in a vat of fermenting baked beans…and yet you’re intrigued enough to step inside and try the garments on. Wending your way to the changing rooms, you’re bombarded with a delectable confection of styling options and accessories to try, each one proving ever more tempting than the last. Even in times of medal-worthy resilience, when you do manage to resist and succeed in your mission to the register undeterred, don’t think you can breathe your much deserved sigh of relief yet, for there awaits yet another array of shiny belts, make-up and novelty lip balms. Cute – purchase! Alas! There are also huge flagship stores who take the shopping-as-entertainment aspect to the extreme with nail bars and even in-store hair salons, pulling out every possible stop to stimulate every sense in your body and squeeze every penny from your purse. It’s not like this by accident, but thanks to the feverish strategic, formulaic and – possibly – creative efforts of a team of merchandisers trying to promote the company and its image as much as the goods.

Images: Marcio Madeira/ Firstview.com, Rankin for Elle UK, Cheryl-online.net

…And now for something a bit different- the one thing that can shift record clothing sales in the blink of a liquid-lined eye, more so than any nail bars or visual merchandising can hope to – celebrities! Have we got a Chic Cheat treat for you, dear readers. Not only am I referencing THE collection of next season, but giving you a double DIY whammy of two A-listers’ oufits. In the black corner, we have Cheryl Cole. In the lilac corner, we have Lily Allen. I bet you didn’t think we could get both of them on the same bill with the notorious feuding history they have – well, so I’ve heard. I’m not the greatest follower of celebrity gossip, especially regarding catfights. I’ve a relative who says that there are 3 sides to every story – or argument – your side, my side and the truth. I find that for every celebrity brawl there are 3 possible sides the dearly adoring public can take – Team *insert first person’s name*, Team *insert second person’s name* and Team Couldn’t give a Flying Fuck! No prizes for guessing which side I tend to find myself on. Still, a trend is still a trend, a fashion statement is a fashion statement, and it is my civil cyber duty to share the craft of that trend with you all. So, once again, here’s how to get the look…

Cole Runnings

Images: Marcio Madeira/ Firstview.com, Cheryl-online.net

You will need…

  • A strappy black dress, which Asda do for £14 (product code 3281105)
  • Half a metre of black jersey.
  • 1m of black PVC, available at most good haberdashers, prices may vary.
  • Black bias binding, available at all good haberdashers, prices may vary.
  • Silver wire – £1.85 from most jewellery shops and haberdashers.
  • Pliers.
  • Needle and black thread
  • Scissors
  • Scalpel
  • Sewing machine

Hours

This one should take about 2 days.

Difficulty

Medium

Nothing too taxing here.

Let’s Frock!

Cut 14 flower shapes out of your PVC, in varying sizes 2 to 5cm in width.  Glue them, matt side to matt side, onto the rest of your PVC and cut the shapes out again, so that you have 14 PVC flower shapes that are shiny on both sides.

Cut out 28 flower shapes, identical in size to the PVC flowers, in black jersey.  These must be the same size as the PVC flowers, so cut 14 matching pairs of flowers in different sizes varying from 2cm to 5cm in width.

Machine-stitch each of the matching pairs together, 5mm from the edge.

With each of your new fabric flowers, cut away as much of the excess fabric around the edges as possible, without cutting into the seam.  Cut a small “X” in the middle of the flower, on the top layer of the fabric.  Turn the flower inside-out, so that no raw edges are visible.

Attach your fabric flowers to your PVC flowers of the same size.  The side with the “X” shape cut out must be face down, so that it is not visible from the outside.

Now to make the metal filaments for each flower.  You can do this with your silver wire and pliers.  Twist your wire into spokes, bending the wire outwards and back again, and twisting your wire spokes into spiral-like shapes, as shown in the illustration, below:

Stitch your filament patterns into the centre of your flowers.

Cut two oar-like shapes out of your black jersey which are about 5cm longer than your dress straps.  Fold black bias binding around the edges and machine-stitch it in place.

Attach these pieces to your dress directly on top of your straps.

Finally, stitch your flowers onto your new straps.

My variation

…Same principle, slightly different dress.

The Allen Key to Success

Images: Marcio Madeira/ Firstview.com, Rankin for Elle UK

You will need…

  • A white lace dress – I found one in Primark for £13 (prod. no. 8083671)
  • A metre of white lace with a clear floral pattern, ideally with flowers of different sizes.  You might need to buy two different fabrics – half a metre of each.  Mine came to £11.50 from Barry’s Fabrics in Birmingham (1 Moseley Street, Birmingham B5 6JX tel. 0121 622 6102)
  • White and violet thread
  • Needle
  • Pins
  • Scissors
  • Scalpel
  • Dylon Intense Violet hand fabric dye – £3.25 from Hobbycraft
  • Half a metre of violet jersey.
  • 1m of violet PVC (or, better still, metallic silver PVC if you can find some), available at most good haberdashers, prices may vary.
  • Violet bias binding, available at all good haberdashers, prices may vary.
  • Silver wire – £1.85 from most jewellery shops and haberdashers.
  • Pliers
  • Sewing machine

Hours

This one should take 4-5 days.

Difficulty

Medium

Nothing too taxing here.  It gets a bit fiddly at times, but I’d say this one was more a test of patience than skill, you’ll be pleased to know.

Let’s Frock!

We go a little in at the deep end in the mind-numbing stakes, unfortunately, for this laborious yet essential stage.  All you have to do is cut 100-200 flowers out of your lace, or as many as you can find, without your eyes crossing!

You can also use the borders of your lace fabric.  Simply cut out 4 pieces and make a flower shape out of them as shown in the picture below:

Congratulations on surviving that lengthy process, now all you have to do is sew them on, one by one, in neat rows like those in the following picture.

Good news:  Not only do you officially deserve a medal for your tireless embellishing, but you should have your own version of the following Miu Miu dress:

Images: Marcio Madeira/ Firstview.com

…Which looks something like this:

Violet Delight

If you want to get Lily’s look, you’ve got to change the colour of the dress to violet, so this is where your violet dye comes in.  Ensure that you follow the instructions on your dye carefully.

Cut 14 flower shapes out of your PVC, in varying sizes 2 to 5cm in width.  Glue them, matt side to matt side, onto the rest of your PVC and cut the shapes out again, so that you have 14 PVC flower shapes that are shiny on both sides.

Cut out 28 flower shapes, identical in size to the PVC flowers, in violet jersey.  These must be the same size as the PVC flowers, so cut 14 matching pairs of flowers in different sizes varying from 2cm to 5cm in width.

Machine-stitch each of the matching pairs together, 5mm from the edge.

With each of your new fabric flowers, cut away as much of the excess fabric around the edges as possible, without cutting into the seam.  Cut a small “X” in the middle of the flower, on the top layer of the fabric.  Turn the flower inside-out, so that no raw edges are visible.

Attach your fabric flowers to your PVC flowers of the same size.  The side with the “X” shape cut out must be face down, so that it is not visible from the outside.

Now to make the metal filaments for each flower.  You can do this with your silver wire and pliers.  Twist your wire into spokes, bending the wire outwards and back again, and twisting your wire spokes into spiral-like shapes, as shown in the illustration, below:

Stitch your filament patterns into the centre of your flowers.

Cut two oar-like shapes out of your violet jersey which are about 5cm longer than your dress straps.  Fold black bias binding around the edges and machine-stitch it in place.

Attach these pieces to your dress directly on top of your straps.

Finally, stitch your flowers onto your new straps.

And, if I’m not much mistaken, you should have something that looks like this: